57 pages • 1 hour read
Emily RathPucking Wild
Fiction | Novel | Adult | Published in 2024A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Themes
Navigating Romantic Relationships After Trauma
Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of ableism, physical abuse, and emotional abuse.
Tess’s character arc centers on learning how to navigate her new relationships after years of dealing with her abusive marriage. Through her story, Rath shows that trauma—particularly interpersonal trauma—shapes how one interacts with others while underscoring that finding love is nevertheless possible.
Tess’s marriage to Troy haunts her and influences many of her major decisions and feelings, particularly those related to her relationship with Ryan. As soon as she meets Ryan, Tess assumes that they could never be together. Though this is in part because of their age difference and the fact that Rachel has declared any Rays off-limits to Tess, Tess’s main reason for dismissing Ryan as a potential romantic partner stems from her experiences within her last relationship. When Ryan mentions he is interested in pursuing a relationship, Tess responds with assumptions about what he wants, telling him, “You look at me and you see […] [a]nother prize for your shelf. A game to be won. But I’ve been someone’s wife, Ryan, […] And I will never be a man’s trophy again” (58). Here, Tess’s abusive relationship with Troy leads her to view any man who expresses romantic interest in her with suspicion, assuming that they want to control her. She is particularly skittish on the subject of marriage, as her insistence that she can help Rachel escape her own wedding demonstrates. Since Troy has used his marriage to Tess to continue controlling her even after their separation, Tess fears binding herself to another person so definitively.
The trauma Tess experienced in her marriage continues to influence her as she begins her relationship with Ryan. She remains doubtful that they have any chance at happiness together. For instance, even after Ryan shows how much he cares about her by volunteering for Out of the Net, Tess can only think, “How soon before he lets go? How soon before I’m back to saving myself? It’s time to do what I do best. It’s time to let go first” (350). At the same time, Tess struggles to share these concerns—or any others—with Ryan, as she has learned to associate vulnerability with danger; indeed, as this passage demonstrates, she continually tries to push Ryan away so that he can’t hurt her.
Tess’s journey toward embracing love hinges in part on her own growth, with her gaining confidence and becoming more open throughout the novel; Ryan’s support is also instrumental However, the novel suggests that it is also important for survivors of trauma not to place too many expectations on themselves. Ryan and Tess’s relationship succeeds long-term precisely because they do not make long-term plans: Ryan shows Tess that there is not just one way to have a relationship, and they begin theirs on their own terms with “No labels, no cages” (530). This provides Tess with an escape route until she fully internalizes that the trauma of her abusive marriage doesn’t need to follow her into her next relationship: She and Ryan are the only ones who have a say in how they treat one another.
Overcoming Self-Doubt
Tess’s struggles to navigate new relationships after her separation are intertwined with how marriage to Troy has influenced her self-esteem and self-image: To know what she truly wants, she also must discover who she truly is after changing herself to be with Troy. Notably, however, she is not the only character who struggles with self-doubt. By depicting her arc alongside Ryan’s journey toward accepting his disability and growing in self-confidence, the novel suggests that self-doubt is common, yet surmountable with acceptance and support.
During their marriage, Troy manipulated and isolated Tess, leading her to doubt her self-worth. Tess describes this abusive tactic as follows: “You get harder, you close yourself off. What once shined with brilliance becomes dull. And then it’s ten years later and you suddenly realize you don’t laugh anymore. You stopped telling jokes because he never liked that you were funnier than him” (290). That Troy’s abuse not only eroded her confidence but also chipped away at her very sense of self makes it all the more difficult for Tess to regain her footing, as she is haunted not only by Troy’s words but also by her own memories of who she used to be—someone better, in her mind. Furthermore, even after their separation, Troy continues to invalidate Tess’s thoughts and feelings by gaslighting her, calling her “crazy,” “irrational,” and “too emotional” when she is rightfully upset by his behavior (75). Though Tess by this point knows enough about Troy’s character to dismiss his claims, she still holds on to many of the things Troy made her feel about herself. Tess runs from her relationship with Ryan partly because she feels undeserving of love, often suggesting that Ryan will eventually see that she is not worth his effort and affection. However, with the help of her friends, Tess is ultimately able to overcome her self-doubt by recognizing that Troy never had the power to fundamentally alter her identity. As she tells Bea, “My home is me. It’s been me all along. I am everything I need. I am enough just as I am. I am smart and driven. I’m kind. I’m passionate and funny and sexy as hell” (513). Here, Tess reiterates that she has always had this confidence and courage; she only needed to embrace them.
Ryan’s journey to confidence also lies in embracing a more accurate and holistic understanding of himself. Ryan has a hard time seeing how he has any use outside of hockey; as he falls on the ice, he thinks, “Without hockey, I’m nothing” (103). This is a sentiment Ryan repeats throughout the novel, especially when he thinks about his dyslexia. When Troy finds Ryan at the gala and teases him about struggling to read the document he hands him, Troy is only saying what Ryan already feels. Ryan is not the only Ray who feels this, however; Ilmari expresses similar sentiments when he and Tess talk about his involvement in the non-profit. He tells Tess, “I play hockey. It’s the only thing I know” (178), downplaying any other talents. However, with the help of their friends and the Rays community, both men eventually come to realize that they have more to offer than just their skill at hockey.
Finding a Home and a Community
When Tess thinks about herself, she often focuses on how lonely she is, especially after her divorce. Reflecting on her childhood, Tess notes, “I spent so much of my young life alone by nature of my circumstances—abandoned by my mother, ignored by my relatives, too poor to join the cool after school clubs, and too embarrassed to invite friends over when I didn’t know whose couch I’d be crashing on” (131). Without a community to fall back on, Troy could isolate Tess in their marriage, and the only friend she feels she has after their separation is Rachel. However, when Tess goes to Jacksonville, she finds an unexpected community in the Rays and learns more about what makes a family—and a home—in the process.
The Rays act like a support network to one another. Indeed, not only the players and staff but also their wives and girlfriends pitch in during moments of crisis; the latter, for example, bring Ryan food and drive him to appointments after he is injured. Likewise, when Ryan falls on the ice, many of his teammates rush to his side and insist he go to the hospital rather than continue to play, prioritizing his well-being over the outcome of the game. When Tess arrives in Jacksonville, she sees this support and solidarity in action time and time again, as well as the fact that it extends to people like Rachel, who has become an honorary Ray. The same is soon true for Tess herself, who receives support and friendship from the team whenever she needs it. This is especially apparent at the gala and afterward, when various team members help Tess to stand up to Troy and secure her divorce. The Rays are also invested in Tess and Ryan’s success as a couple, as evidenced by how they help Tess with her proposal to Ryan, suggesting that community support nurtures not only individuals but the relationships between them.
However, Tess is not only in search of a community when she goes to Jacksonville; she is also in search of a home. Tess has often sought this in other people. For example, she mentions thinking that she felt at home with Troy and Bea, though she now recognizes that the last person who truly felt like home was Rachel. As Rachel now has her own home and family, Tess feels like she must find a new home too. Yet as Tess begins to rediscover herself and overcome her self-doubt, she recognizes that she doesn’t need to search far. In the climactic meeting with Bea at the end of the novel, Tess tells her, “My home is me. It’s been me all along” (513), showing how her self-discovery was the key to finally feeling at home. This does not mean that Tess discounts her community’s help in allowing her to feel secure, nor does it mean that Tess does not also define her home in terms of other people. When Ryan buys a house for himself and Tess at the end of the novel, he tells her, “I want to make my home in you, and I want you to make your home in me” (530)—a proposition Tess accepts. However, Tess now has the strength and confidence to survive on her own, and in this sense, she is the only “home” that she needs.
